Star Trek 3: The Search For Spock
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that not only was I eager to trade my brother the Wrath of Khan for the next movie, but also that I was actually excited to get my hands on it. This is not, however because, I was becoming a fan. No. Not at all. I think it was because I got to write about it. I’m a writer. It’s my hobby. And I enjoy being able to write about stuff, no matter what it is (writing about this is proof of that; if I can write about Star Trek then I can write about anything). So with a new creative outlet it’s no wonder I was excited about it. Of course, I’m also curious as to how they’re planning to resurrect Spock. I’ll give credit where it’s due: these movies are at least holding my interest.
I popped in the DVD and pressed PLAY, which played the movie; I think I can stop worrying about any star scape screen savers. This time there were no stars at all. Instead we’re treated to a recap of the last movie showing the last few minutes of Spock’s life. This was probably for the unfortunate women that got taken to see this movie on dates by some cunning nerds back in 1984, as anyone else would have known about Spock’s demise, making the reminder unnecessary.
Kirk’s opening monologue drolls on as he mopes about the ship, still grieving over the loss of his dearest friend. The flap on his uniform is unbuttoned, but I’m not sure why. Kirk’s a rebellious if not careless captain, but he’s never unkempt. In previous movies the flap being down meant he was hurt, and was usually accompanied by a splash of blood that came from an unknown orifice (serious, Kirk never bled – the Shatner CAN’T bleed) – unless it was someone else’s blood. For some reason, unless the buttons were viciously and unmercifully torn off their uniforms, they were never fixed. So, if Kirk is healthy, then why is the flap down now? Does it represent his damaged heart? Does it symbolize a flag at half-mast? Does he even know it’s down?
As usual, the Ford Enterprise is returning home for yet more repairs, or so it first seemed. While docking they get a look at the new starship in town, the Excelsior, the replacement for the twenty-year old Enterprise, which will be decommissioned and thrown away like all Fords should be. The crew is understandably upset, so of course they go celebrate their victory over Khan from the last movie. Spock’s father crashes the party to scold Kirk for not returning his son to their home planet of Vulcan, instead of leaving him to rot on Genesis. Genesis is the name of the newly terraformed planet from the Genesis project, and where Spock’s burial in space took him. Kirk explains he was unaware of their strange hippy burial traditions, and they learn that before Spock died he mind-melded with Bones McCoy, so his spirit lived on within him. This caused Bones to act up and get arrested. If you read the back of the DVD, it affectionately refers to this as ‘going insane.’
Kirk now knows what he’s gotta do; he needs to get the two halves of Spock (the spiritual side trapped in Bones, and the body side chucked out on Genesis), back together and bring them to Vulcan. So he asks Starfleet for the Enterprise back, but they turn him down. So after breaking Bones out of jail, they steal the ship and make for Genesis.
Genesis, not to be left out, has its own soap opera going on. First, it should be noted that Kristie Alley’s absence from the crew is noticeable. The character lives on, with some new chick playing the part. This new Saavik was for some reason transferred to the Genesis project. I’m guessing she was given an honourary discharge (for sleeping with a certain captain). I’m also guessing that the filmmakers noticed the rapid decline in Alley’s hotness (this was a whole two years after the last movie, after all, and Miss Alley does not age like a fine wine), so they chose to replace her with a younger, but not better, woman. Anyway, she’s aboard the starship Grissom, which just happens to be floating around the Genesis planet, just happening to be studying it to see how the project is going, when she just happens to notice a strange anomaly down there. So she beams down to check it out, along with Kirk’s son, David. The anomaly turns out to be Spock’s space casket, which is mysteriously empty. They eventually find a young, reborn Spock wandering around the wilderness – apparently the Genesis project terraformed not only the planet but Spock as well. Saavik tries to mother the child, but does a shitty job.
The new Saavik is ugly and uninteresting; Kristie Alley is sorely missed. But what we have instead is a pre Doc Brown Christopher Lloyd, playing a ruthless Klingon. Yes, we finally have Klingons with major roles now! He and his ragtag crew secretly obtain information about the Genesis project and, seeing it as the ultimate weapon, decide to steal it to use against Starfleet. Arriving to the planet, they destroy starship Grissom, and then beam down to collect the remaining survivors, Saavik and David, to use as hostages.
Kirk and his skeleton crew of Bones, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, and the ex-lemming from the previous movie, and makes for Genesis. Once there they engage the Klingons in battle and lose. Kirk may be a great captain, but the Ford Enterprise is a weak bucket of bolts, which took only a single hit for it to lose complete power. Oh, and also the Klingon bastards killed his son. Real shame. Kirk gets the last laugh, however, as he pretends to surrender and allows most of the Klingon hoard to board the Enterprise, while seconds earlier they beamed down to Genesis, having left the self-destruct sequence on.
KA-BOOM!
Yes, that’s right. The Enterprise gets blowed up real good. Even I never thought I’d see that happen, and its destruction was harder to accept than Spock’s. Even I was stunned. Good thing Starfleet had the Excelsior. From Genesis, Kirk watches in disbelief as the ship burns up the atmosphere. First his best friend dies, then his son, and now his ship is gone. So, yeah, Kirk has been having a bad week.
As luck would have it, the Genesis project is fatally flawed, and the planet itself to doomed to rip itself apart. So too is the reborn Spock child, who is aging rapidly, like the planet, and by this time almost looks like his old self. Kirk and the crew locate the leftover Klingons holding Saavik and the young Spock hostage, and eliminate them. Then they demand to be beamed up to the Klingon starship, called the Bird Of Prey, and surprisingly, up they go. All of them except for Kirk, who must fight the Klingon leader, Doc Brown himself, who was beamed down in their place. So he and Kirk do battle, with Kirk narrowly gaining victory. Pretending to be the Doc, he gets beamed back up to the Bird Of Prey, overthrows the single remaining Klingon, and makes for Vulcan in the newly acquired ship.
On Vulcan, through an elaborate and uncommon ceremony, they remove Spock’s mind from Bones’ ass and put it back in his body. After a moment to collect his thoughts, Spock becomes one, and lives again. But his memories will take time to return. Everyone is happy, and for some reason have to touch him as if he were a trophy.
The movie closes with the line, “…the adventure continues…” It sure will continue, at least until Kirk gets back to Starfleet where they’ll rape him up his nostrils for not only stealing a ship but destroying it too. All for what? Spock? An old man who theoretically should die at any moment? (see, the doomed Genesis project meant the Genesis planet was doomed as well, and therefore so too was young Spock. I don’t see how getting his old mind back would make any difference). The End.
Although the effects keep improving with each movie, the storylines do not. This movie was sub-par, and not even the fantastic Doc Brown could save it. Illogical in many areas, a terrible fight scene with Kirk and the Klingon leader, and no Kristie Alley. Even the title seemed to miss the mark. Seeing as how they knew where Spock was (both parts) all along, SEARCH seems inappropriate. They should have called this The Quest For Spock.
They haven’t made a fan out of me yet.
The Chris Effect 
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