Mind-Boggling
Not pleased with his new slave, Mongrel sets about trying to put Biscuits up for adoption at a local agency. Thinking he is now free, he visits his favourite pub for a good bit of binge drinking. Of course, this does not go to plan. The adoption agency implodes and Biscuits is returned to Mongrel, but not before many other improbable events happen.
Excerpts:
Mongrel shooed Grampa Jengalegg away, then grabbed Biscuits’ arm as he came around the side of the car and, taking a cue from Derf, flung him head first into the wall.
While this was enough to subdue Biscuits to the point of unconsciousness, Grampa Jengalegg unfortunately was not so easy to get rid of. Even if he had left, his stench would have lingered for days afterward, emulating his presence. His grotesque body odour, actually a level-four biohazard, could be smelled from a block away (further if you were down wind). Federal authorities refused to deal with the complications involved with apprehending, bathing, and possibly neutering him, as no one was willing to get anywhere near him. Most usually avoided the area altogether. This was one of many reasons Dunttstown was rampantly ignored by the rest of the country.
***
His name was Loafmeat, and he ran the café all by his lonesome. He was a man of reason, logic, and hats. He was a tall, broad man; extremely imposing to those who, in his own words, just weren’t right. He possessed a beard of such girth and menace that one could not tell when the mouth behind it was moving. In fact many people, not knowing any better, assumed that the beard itself was doing all the talking. It shimmied and shook, looking quite alive in most respects, and often, when it was sure no one was watching, trapped and ate small rodents. It also once spontaneously caught fire, but that’s a long story.
While Grampa Jengalegg waited outside to bum for change, Mongrel and Derf entered the mind-bogglingly small pub. Most of the room was taken up by a frozen porcupine and three large Mexicans, all of whom appeared to be drunk to the point where they lost all functions associated with being alive; for example: breathing. Loafmeat stood behind the bar, courageously trying to serve drinks to the deceased men.
The Chris Effect 
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