Declawing
I have a cat. I like cats. Before beginning this post I was thinking, maybe it’s better to have a dumb cat instead of a smart one, and the reason is because I have a smart cat. I named her Leia, after Star Wars. She knows all the things that I don’t want her doing, so she does them when I’m not around.
For example, she’s not allowed on the dinning room table. Obviously she knows this and doesn’t get up there unless I’m not around. Every time I get up in the morning I hear the sound of a cat landing on the floor. There also happens to be evidence of a feline presence on the table; things being knocked over, hair, etc. I can’t punish her for this, since I never catch her in the act. And besides, how would I? Take away all her toys? She plays with EVERYTHING! Stop feeding her? Oh she’ll find something to eat, like the plants – another no-no. Anyway, there’s no point in punishing her because she already knows she’s being bad; she just doesn’t care.
The only way I thought of punishing her was to lock her in a cage at night. But I found out the hard way that her incessant crying about this prevents me from getting any sleep.
So would a dumb cat be better? Probably not, since whatever you were trying to teach it not to do would never sink in and I’d end up giving up.
A particular no-no I hate is when she gets into my closet. She can somehow pull aside the sliding doors with her claws and get inside. But for some reason she can’t get out. I decided this was something she should stop doing when I came home one day and couldn’t find her – but I could hear her crying. I eventually found her in my closet. So right away I figured that was enough of that. Sometimes I go away for long stretches of time. If she gets in there when I’m gone she’ll be stuck for a while. I don’t want to open my closet door and find cat shit on my stuff, so it’s as much for her safety as it is my sanity.
Anyway, I have to get my cat declawed – shredding the furniture is yet another no-no she does when I’m absent – and I’m ranting because everyone keeps telling me how bad that is to do. Well, it’s my last option. It’s not like she needs her claws – she’s an indoor cat. I’ve put this off for nearly two years while I tried everything to make her stop with the clawing.
I’ve gone through three cat scratch posts, sat through countless claw trimming – which she hates – spraying her with water, beating her. You name it.
I tried that citrus spray stuff, which works like shit. You spray it on your furniture and cats, apparently hating the scent, won’t go near it. Yeah right. I sprayed it on everything, but she must be immune. The only thing I can spray it on that works is her face. But I can do the same thing with water, which doesn’t cost eight bucks a bottle.
There are these things, I don’t remember what they’re called, but you glue them on your cat’s claws and they prevent scratching. Let me give you some advice – don’t buy them. They’re the worst things, I tell you – cause they give you false hope. The problem with these things is, they fall off eventually. They don’t stop your cat from scratching, just from doing any damage. So your cat goes about its merry day scratching everything to hell – or trying to – and you think, meh, who cares? She can’t hurt anything. But those damn things fall off. You won’t know when, but sooner or later she’ll be shredding things again and you won’t even know until it’s too late. Unless you check your cat several times a day, you’ll assume they’re there and working, and let your cat pretend to destroy all that you hold near and dear – only all too soon it’ll turn real, and ugly.
So yeah, nothing works. But I don’t want to get rid of her. And I sure as hell don’t want to have to buy new furniture. I’ve given her enough time to stop ruining my house and repent her sins. So to everyone who tells me I’m evil for declawing my cat: F*CK YOU!
The Chris Effect 
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