The Chris Effect

Before I begin, let me just say that I would never criticize our national health care system; I’m happy simply to have it. I’m reminded every day by my horrific illnesses that if I were an American, I’d be dead.

While I realize that most of my knowledge the medical industry comes from television, I’d like to think that shows like E.R. or Grey’s Anatomy are pretty accurate in displaying the professional lives of doctors and nurses and the like. So I therefore ask: why the hell are they supposed to work ungodly hours?

You know what I’m talking about. Med students are often forced to work 35 – 40 hours shifts, in training for the real thing. And many have to work as many as 120 hours a week. Yikes. You never hear about janitors having to do that. And dirt never takes a holiday.

A few years back, someone wisely decided that doctors shouldn’t be allowed to work more than 30 straight hours. Well that’s wonderful. I don’t know how long they worked before that, but it was something worse than ungodly. Oh, and there’s a break between shifts: 10 hours. That’s good for a shit, shower, and sleep. Then back to work.

Why? It doesn’t make the least bit of sense to me. For someone whose job is, at least occasionally, made of life and death decisions, why would we want them to be up for a whole day or longer? Considering that this is the healthcare industry, shouldn’t they be a little healthier? Getting a proper amount of sleep is paramount to good health. In fact, that’s the first thing you’re told when you fall ill: get plenty of rest.

“Here’s the doctor who’s going to be performing your colonoscopy. He hasn’t had any sleep in the past twenty-eight hours, so please don’t ask him a lot of questions or use big words at him. And try not to move around too much, his reaction time is slower now and any sudden movements could cause him to disembowel you.”

And what about the odd miracle operation that that lasts eighty hours? And only three people in the world can perform it? I guess no one can cover for him, so can he even go to the bathroom or does he have to wear a diaper? And what about sleep? There’s no diaper for sleep. So does he take a nap and leave the patient exposed on the operating table for a few hours. He’d have to, or the last few hours of surgery could get a little sloppy. Maybe he’ll just drink a dozen or more buckets of coffee, yeah, that’ll keep his hands steady. Can’t you be declared clinically insane if you’re awake for more than three days straight? Do you want that guy operating on you? Actually, I guess you wouldn’t have much of a choice.

Why is this our reality? Is there a shortage of doctors out there? Is that why everyone else has to pick up the slack and take turns? Maybe it shouldn’t be so bloody expensive to go to medical school. I’m sure many people wouldn’t mind studying those long years if the bills weren’t piling up. And they wouldn’t have to work their asses off – for several days straight – to pay back their educational debts. Is there a conspiracy to keep doctors down?

During one of my favourite hospital stays I was kept up for over an hour around three in the morning by nurses poking me repeatedly with needles, trying to find a vein. Fun times. I wasn’t one to complain, but maybe she shouldn’t have been working her third night shift in a row.

So the next time you think your doctor is an idiot, just think, perhaps he’s been awake since last week, hasn’t seen his wife in a month, nor his children since he fathered them. And worst of all, hasn’t seen SportsCenter in nearly a year.

Maybe these people should go home and get some damned sleep. To hell with the patients. I’d rather have a healthy, well rested doctor calling the shots for my body.

This entry was posted on February 12, 2011 at 03:07 and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.