I Was Wrong
I thought I knew my place in the world, but I was wrong. There’s so much more than any of us realise; alien life forms, parallel universes and alternate timelines, gods and demons; we don’t even know how our own brains function. How can one we hope to understand it all? We live, we die, we live again…and again, and again. There is no transcendence, no ultimate truth, no reason, and no end. Life is not a journey; a journey has a beginning and an end. This is a never-ending cycle. No good, no bad. No karma and no balance. There is no order, and thus no chaos, no method to this madness.
I thought I could save you from it all, but I was wrong. Watching you through the glass on the operating table as the doctors worked feverishly on your body, I knew you wouldn’t make it. I’m not a fool. There was so much blood. So many stab wounds. So many things I wish I’d known before. I’d done so much research, but I don’t think anyone really knows the truth.
I thought I loved you, but I was wrong. When you died on the table I didn’t feel remorse. I don’t even think I’ll miss you. If anything I was relieved. You weren’t my first experiment, but you will certainly be the last. Next time I will get it right, thanks to you. I wanted to make people’s lives have meaning, to be greater than they were. You, at last, have helped me figure out what I was doing wrong. It turns out I was the problem.
I thought I’d found the answer, but I was wrong. Murder is so simple a thing that it was easy to believe it worked. But reincarnation neutralizes any hope of success. And that was the one area where I had no control. I realize this now. Death gives value and purpose to the time we spend alive. Time is meaningless when there’s an infinite amount of it. Everything is pointless when you live forever. But how can we truly die if the soul lives on? How do you destroy a soul? If it can be created then it must be able to be unmade, right? But I don’t have the power to do that. Fortunately, I found someone who can.
I thought I’d chosen the right religion, but I was wrong. My prayers go unanswered. My faith leaves me empty. I feel like we were made to suffer, like we were born to be slaves. Live to worship or rot in Hell – those were the options. We followed blindly like cattle, and that path led nowhere, wandering in endless circles. But all along there had been another way, a true saviour. The Dark Lord. Only through him can this torture truly end. Only through him can we finally rest. And only through me can you reach him. So either you come to me or I will come to you. One way or another, in this life or the next, I will deliver you unto him. Yes, it will be bloody, and yes, it will be painful, but it is the only way. If your God is really is merciful, then He’ll understand. If He truly loves you, He’ll set you free.
I thought I knew what I was, but I was wrong. I am more than just a man now; I am a beacon for the rest of humanity. I am a servant of the one god that can end this nightmare. I will not rest until he allows me to. I will spread his word, teach his wisdom, and sacrifice in his honour. Some of you will understand; others will not, being so indoctrinated to their beliefs that they are blind to all else. They will call me evil. They will tell me I’m crazy. And of course they will try to stop me.
But one day they will realise that I was right.
The Chris Effect 
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