Some time ago I saw a clips of a trailer for a movie that looked pretty cool. I thought to myself, I just might want to see that. Then I saw the full trailer, and as it turned out, it was for the new Star Trek movie. Well I must admit, I was a little disheartened, but what can I say, the movie DID look appealing.
That, perhaps, was the beginning of this journey.
So I went to see the movie with my brother sometime in May, 2009, or maybe early June, and I liked it. It lived up to the hype. It was the first Star Trek movie I’d ever seen, and, if you’d read the last review, my favourite out of all of them.
It was a reimagining of sorts, taking place chronologically before any of the others. In fact, it’s opening scene was set before Kirk, played originally by the man himself, William Shatner, was born. It gives us a brief glimpse of his father, who was tragically killed, going down with the ship, in an attack that sets up the rest of the movie.
On the night he was born, Kirk’s father was on board a Federation ship, which encountered an unusual phenomenon; what appeared to be a storm of lightning – but in space. What’s more, out of this storm came a giant ugly ship. The ship was piloted by Romulans (already they’re getting more action than in previous films), and demand to negotiate, which of course is just captain-speak disguising a hostile takeover. The captain agrees and puts Kirk’s father in charge while he’s gone.
The captain of the Romulan ship, Nero, wants to find ‘ambassador’ Spock, although we don’t yet know why. When he learns from the Federation captain that not only is Spock not an ambassador yet (in fact he’s still just a kid), but he’s came back through time to early, he kills the Federation captain and proceeds to destroy the captain’s ship.
While the destruction rages on, Kirk’s father gets his pregnant wife off the ship – along with many others in a heroic act of defending the ship – just in time for her to squirt the little rugrat out. He manages to live long enough to ram the Fed ship into the Romulan ship in a suicide bomber run, but not before naming his kid Jim.
Skip ahead a few years, Jim is trying to run away from home or something. Maybe he’d seen his mother falling in love with a doctor on TV and didn’t like the look of that guy. So not wanting a new, grumpy daddy with a cane, he steals what’s gotta be one of the last surviving Corvettes on the planet and goes on a joy ride. This doesn’t last long, because he gets pulled over by a cop on a flying motorcycle. And when I say pulled over I mean Jim runs the car off a cliff and barely escapes with his life. So much for the Corvette. Yeah, the kid’s a little bastard.
Meanwhile on Vulcan, Spock is kicking ass at school. First in class, and then a bully’s ass. The other Vulcans, with their superior logic, realize that Spock doesn’t belong because he’s half-human (on his mother’s side). After a very slight provocation, the little mixed-breed loses it. Kids these days…
Skip ahead a few more years, Spock is about to graduate at the head of his class and get accepted into some prestigious school of Vulcan knowledge or something, when he learns that they all consider him inferior due to his mother being human. Ever the mommy’s boy, Spock politely tells them to stick their fancy school up their asses and goes to the Federation instead.
Over on Earth, Kirk, ever the badass, is drunk and trying (and failing) to pick up girls at the bar. This leads to a fight and Kirk gets his ass kicked. So what’s new? Although to be fair it wasn’t a fair fight. Captain Pike, a Starfleet commander, comes in a breaks things up, and then has a nice talk with Kirk, sweet-talking him into enlisting with the Starfleet.
So Kirk joins the fleet, taking a shuttle to the Academy. On the ride over he once again runs into the woman he was hitting on at the bar and thinks luck is on his side. He has yet to find out that she’s not into humans. Kirk also meets and befriends Lenard ‘Bones’ McCoy for the first time. They all go to train at the Academy and have a merry ol’ time.
Some more skipping ahead, we join Nero and his Romulan tentacle ship, which has been wandering around in open space, somehow undetected, for the last three years, waiting for this moment. This particular moment is when Spock (from their time) comes back to now (for whatever reason). They were chasing Spock back through time and missed him by a couple years, which has gotta suck. But now he’s here, and they capture him and leave him on a desolate chunk of rock so he can watch…something.
At the Academy, Kirk plays through the Kobayashi test, a seemingly unbeatable test that teaches students that sometimes you just have to give up. Kirk doesn’t like this, so he rigs the test (created by none other than Spock himself, don’t you know), and is the first cadet to ever win. Of course, once it’s understood that he cheated he’s called before a council for a disciplinary act where he confronts Spock and they argue for a bit. Then they get a call that Vulcan is under attack and everyone gets bumped into active duty.
Everyone, that is, except for Kirk, who, having cheated the test, didn’t fully graduate. But with the help of Bones he manages to sneak aboard the shuttle and gets taken directly to the first-ever Enterprise, along with, big surprise, every other major character. Oh, and since this is an early Enterprise, we can expect it to he the most Ford-like of all. Incidentally, it seems to have problems right out of the gate, but in the end it’s just Sulu being a shitty pilot.
Then, during a brief explanation of what’s going on at Vulcan, lighting storms are mentioned, and Kirk puts two and two together and remembers his father’s death. Romulans. He sets off to warn everyone. This is a rather humorous exercise, since his physical condition is getting worse and worse, thanks to Bones being a shitty doctor. Notice a trend?
Kirk convinces Captain Pike (yeah, he’s there too – what a coincidence), and they go into the battle prepared. When they arrive they find the rest of the Federation starships destroyed, and the Enterprise was about to be next, when the Romulans learn that Spock is aboard. They demand Pike pop over to their ship so they can gossip about Federation stuff. He agrees, hoping this will buy Kirk and Sulu some time to destroy a machine the Romulans have lowered down into Vulcan to dig a hole.
So Kirk and Sulu, and some other idiot, manage to disable the machine. But it’s too late; the Romulans launch their ‘red matter’ into the planet, which will cause the planet to collapse into a black hole. Spock panics and beams down to rescue his parents. He manages to rescue some of the higher-ups, but due to the archaic beaming technology his mother doesn’t make it.
They also suspect Captain Pike didn’t make it, since he never came back. Considering him a lost cause, they head back to Earth. But Pike is still alive, and is being provoked into giving up access codes to the Federation. Kirk tries to convince Spock, now captain, to go back for Pike, but Spock won’t listen. After a heated argument, where Spock gets to unleash his violent side once again with this nerve pinch thing, they leave Kirk stranded on Hoth, which is a much more dangerous place than the last time we saw it in Star Wars. There he runs into the Spock from the future.
Spock from the future explains that he was trying to save Romulus from an exploding star, and he failed. He still created his black hole, which was supposed to absorb the exploding star, only he was too late. In a fit of rage, Nero attacked him, and they both fell into the black hole, and that’s how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar. When the Romulans finally caught up with Spock they marooned him on Hoth, where he had a great view of Vulcan being sucked inside out.
Now that Kirk is all caught up, he needs to get back to the Enterprise. So they wander around and find, and break into some facility being run by none other than Scotty. Scotty is played by one of my favourite British actors, Simon Pegg. Anyway, Scotty knows, or will know, warp drives and beaming stuff inside out. So Spock shows him an algorithm he’ll eventually invent, allowing himself and Kirk to be beamed to the Enterprise while it’s in warp.
They make the jump (with Scotty barely coming out of it alive), and return to the ship’s bridge, much to everyone’s surprise, and current Spock’s chagrin. Kirk makes Spock angry and gets his ass kicked (no surprise there). This causes Spock to believe he’s no longer in control of his emotions, and therefore cannot command the ship, and relinquishes control to Kirk. After Spock leaves and uncomfortable silence erupts on the deck until Scotty breaks it with the best line in the movie, “I like this ship!”
After changing course and going after Nero and his tentacle ship, they catch up with him as he reaches Earth and begins to use his machine drill. Using Saturn’s moons as cover, Kirk and Spock, who’s gotten himself under control, sneak-beam over. Unfortunately they beam into a room filled with Romulans, and have to fight their way out. They learn where Pike is being held, and even find future Spock’s captured ship. Current Spock uses it to destroy the drill while Kirk goes after Nero.
Spock successfully destroys the drill and gets the hell out of there. This causes Nero to become enraged and lose focus. Forgetting about Kirk, he charges after Spock. So Kirk finds Pike and tells the Enterprise to beam him out. Just at that moment the Enterprise shows up and attacks the Romulan ship, and Spock is on a suicide bomber run (seems popular with the kids of that era). Scotty beams everyone back, and Spock’s ship rams the Romulan tentacle ship, which causes the red matter to explode into a black hole.
The Enterprise itself barely makes it out of the mess it helped cause, having to eject and detonate the engine core to escape the pull of the black hole. But they survive, and return to Earth, where old Spock meets young Spock, and Kirk is promoted to captain of The Enterprise. The End.
In my opinion, this was the best Star Trek. It had great action, an interesting story, even a fitting ending, with Spock voicing over the old Enterprise credo or whatever it is. I suppose the effects help convey the story a little better than in past movies. I have to acknowledge that. But it was interesting to see where the characters came from, and how they met. I also need to give props to Simon Pegg. The movie needed more of him.
The Enterprise itself didn’t see much action in this one either. But that’s okay, since it probably wouldn’t have survived. And if its maiden voyage had that many casualties, then the Feds probably never would have built another one.
I understand that this movie stands outside the chronology of the other movies, and I’m okay with that. I think it wasn’t a necessary move; certain story elements could have been rewritten – like, say, the relationship between Uhura and Spock. But they decided to go with things this way, and at least they got their money’s worth. But one has to kind of wonder how this movie would have played out if they’d gone with the Piccard-Trek characters instead…
Well, now it’s finally over.
The Chris Effect 