I love to drive, and I believe I’ve developed a knack for it. Many people, however, have not. However, for most people, their stupidity isn’t completely their own fault. Ignorance plays a huge role, and this section exemplifies a number of common features found on today’s automobiles that promote ignorance and undermine the skills required of driving. These “technological innovations” suggest to people that if they can’t do something properly, instead of practicing, they just need to wait until there’s a gadget that does it for them. Heaven forbid any of these devices fail at the wrong time.
Parking assists / Self-parking car
The Lexus LS can actually parallel park itself. Well, it does 90% of the work anyway. It used to be that learning to parallel park was the greatest challenge in learning to drive. It was the mountain you had to climb, and once you’d ascended, you’d made it. If you could do that, then you could do anything. Congratulations, you can now drive! But it seems that nowadays car manufacturers decided that people could skip that step. Now there’s reverse monitors and backup sensors and yes, even that f*cking Lexus that doesn’t just hold your hand, it carries you through the entire procedure. It doesn’t matter if you can’t parallel park anymore. It doesn’t matter if you become a good driver.
Air Bags
Really, any safety feature of any car could be listed here, but I chose to put them all under one heading (except for ABS), considering that none of them actually help you drive, nor are they convenience features. The only reason a manufacturer puts an airbag in their cars is so that if you crash, you’ll live so you can buy another one of their damn cars. Realistically, you’d never want to use them. How many times do you find yourself looking at a new car, and thinking, “Oh, it has five airbags! That’s really handy! I would use those all the time!”? And if that’s something you would use all the time, then someone should take your license away. Personally, I don’t give a fist full of shit if my car had any airbags.
Tire Pressure Monitor
Once again, is checking the air in your tires such a tedious and time-consuming task that you can’t do it yourself? The only way this feature could be useful is when you’re actually driving. Maybe then it could tell you that you have a slight leak in your left rear tire. Of course, you’d have found that slight leak if you checked your tire pressure regularly. And if it was more than a slight leak, perhaps you might notice that your car is drifting severely to the left and vibrating horribly. And if you couldn’t even notice that, then maybe cars should come with those gadgets too. Or maybe you’re not intelligent enough to be behind the wheel.
Anti-lock Brakes
Perhaps this might seem like a questionable choice, but to understand why this is a terrible device you must understand not only how it works, but why. Without ABS, if you slam on your brakes the wheels could lock up (stop turning), and if the car is still moving when this happens, you’ve pretty much lost your brakes completely. You lose control of the car, and it becomes a missile. Now you’re in the hands of gravity and friction. ABS basically stops your wheels from locking up. That’s it. They DO NOT help you stop shorter; they only keep you in control of your missile. So why is this a bad thing? It’s bad because it’s necessary. The number of people who need ABS is the number of people who lose control of their car. The vast majority of drivers on the road can’t control their cars when trying to stop quickly, and would be f*cked without this system. Think about that. We share our roads with these maniacs!
Rain-sensing wipers
Um, can’t you tell when it’s raining?
The Chris Effect 