I have an interesting belief; not strictly endorsed by my brain, but just a concept. I call it ‘creative evolution.’ It’s a combination of the evolution and creationism beliefs of how humans came to exist in the world. People think you can only believe in one or the other, but I’ll be damned if someone’s gonna tell me I can’t eat my own cake.
Basically, if you believe God created man, then you probably believe he created just about everything. Fine, I’m with you so far. But what about them bones and fossils? Unless they’re a hugely elaborate hoax, they put an alarming dent into that theory. Now you could take the easy way out and suggest that God created people who believe in evolution, so it’s not their fault – the Man has a plan, right? And since God made everything, He too created those fossils. Why? Who knows, just go with it. There’s a plan, trust me.
Myself? Ha! I’m never one to take the easy way out. I believe that the more things you do the hard way, the more things you learn how to do half-assed. I think if God is truly omnipotent, then time is meaningless to Him (I don’t believe in time as it is, but that’s a topic for another day). A day, a year, a minute – it’s all the same to Him.
So here it is:
God’s playing with His dinosaurs and one day (or year, or minute, whatever), gets an idea for something called a mind. Then other things like souls, and sentience, and consciousness came to Him. So He got rid of the dinosaurs and wiped the slate clean (yes that’s right, in this theory God killed the dinosaurs – don’t worry about it; there’s a plan), and began preparations for His new project: mankind. So he picked one of his other favourite toys – monkeys (because come on, who doesn’t like monkey?) – and slowly, over the course of a few hundred million years, began turning them into humans. Now, this took a while, since there’s a lot of trial and error in creating sentient life – go on and try it for yourself some time. But once he got the idea just right, he built a working model, called it Adam, and put it in a playpen (the Garden of Eden) to see how it worked. Apparently it did pretty good. And you see, once he got the working model, there was no need to keep the prototypes around (which is why there are ‘missing’ fossil records), but He just couldn’t wipe out the monkeys because, well, could you?
So yeah, we kinda came from monkeys. And I’m generalizing here okay. Please don’t complain that technically it was this genus or that phylum. We share a lot of DNA with them because they were our prototypes. God looked at monkeys, got an idea on how to improve upon them, and thus we were created. Let’s just hope we’re entertaining enough to keep Him from getting another brilliant idea.
By the way, the plan itself is probably something like, ‘well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.’
The Chris Effect 