First, let’s get this out of the way: I believe in the Mayan calendar. I’m sure you’ve heard of them, the long count in particular. When the long count ends, all the planets in our solar system will line up. Hence, the Mayans predict ‘big change.’ The Mayans were so good at math and stuff that the calendars they used thousands of years ago are more accurate than the ones we use today (which makes me wonder why we’re not using theirs). They seemed to know their shit, so yeah, I believe in all that. As far as the end of the world goes, like, what the hell? Why is everyone obsessed with this?
I tend not to get caught up in anything involving mass hysteria, because my mass is modest at most, and I’m not even remotely hysterical. Y2K, Sars, Justin Bieber – yawn. But people are just looking for the next thing to dump a few remaining brain cells on and go bonkers over. This is probably because most people are idiots.
Especially those who look for hints on the world’s expiration date in the Bible. Considering that modern religion is based solely on faith (and if you’re catholic – money and child molestation too), why would there be any hint of the end of the world in the Bible? First of all, man wrote the Bible, and I think it’s been proven time and time again that we’re all a bunch of raving lunatics (myself included). So, what, we’re digging through it to find clues that we left ourselves ages ago? Did we know better back then? And yes, God has been quoted thousands of times in the big book, but do you think he’d let something like that slip out? He’s not Mel Gibson who went on a bender and woke up the next day to find himself all over the news, thinking, “Oops, I fucked up.” The faithful are pouring over the Bible looking for God’s little mistake. Lots of faith indeed.
People seem obsessed with death. Not just their own – but everyone’s. Every other time you turn on the news there’s some new theory about the end of the world. Every other street corner you turn down there’s someone holding a sign about the end being nigh. And let’s not forget Nostradamus. That guy predicted everything but what I ate for breakfast this morning. Didn’t he predict the end of the world too? But was wrong? And scholars were like, ‘no, maybe we just misread it.’ Bullshit.
Just do a random search on the interwebs and you’ll find tons of doomsday prophecies. It irritates me that people keep making them. There are tons of people predicting all sorts of crap that came true with about a 50/50 ratio. Good for them. As far as the end of life as we know it? 0/who knows? Since we’re all still around, that means EVERY doomsday theory up to this point has been wrong. So why do people keep trying? What makes them think that this time they’ve finally nailed it? Sure, the law of averages suggests that eventually someone’s going to get it right, but they won’t be around to gloat about it. They won’t win a prize or anything. In fact, I’ll bet they’d be willing to be wrong by the end of it. So why predict in the first place?
So, back to this Mayan thing. Wanna know what’s gonna happen? The planets are gonna line up. The long count calendar will end. Then a new calendar begins. Happen New Eon! That’s about it. The ‘big change’ they were talking about is probably the changing of the calendar itself, since it would have been the first time they ever changed it. Year 2 for them, or whatever.
The world, however, will still be here. So don’t empty your bank accounts and spend your life savings. Keep paying your bills and feeding your pets. And don’t finally ask her out, knowing full well that she’ll say no, but at least you tried before you died. Things will get awkward.
One more thing to think about: why do all these prophecies happen one after the other? Hardly ever is there more than one end-of-days scenario being throw at us at any given time. First one, then when that one proves false, another one comes along. Then another when that one ends up being a load of shit, etc. And people believe in every freaking one of them. Quick, what’s the next big doomsday after Dec. 12, 2012? Anybody? There isn’t one, not yet. Why? Because the one we’re currently on hasn’t expired yet. Money is still being made off it. But you wait and see – come 2013 another prophecy will be plastered all over the news. Don’t believe the hype.
The only way to accurately predict the end of the world is to cause it.
The Chris Effect 